well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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