I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
