Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
