I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize