my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
