ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
