Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
