So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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