he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
