My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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