and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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