omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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