There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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