So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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