Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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