If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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