His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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