He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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