By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
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