My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
