dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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