The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
