I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
