in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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