its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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