highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
