I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Randomize
