If that was your dad, he is hot
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
