....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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