and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
