I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Randomize
