last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
