Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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