I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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