dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
