I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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