Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
