sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
