It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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