I think I won the penis lottery.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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