$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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