ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
