Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
