There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
