p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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