M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
