My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
