he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
