god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
