$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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