Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
