we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
