well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
