You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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