Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
