you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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