Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize