I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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