I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
