Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
