He disabled his match.com account in front of me
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Randomize
