you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
