i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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