carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
