sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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