Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
