I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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