mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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