Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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