What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
