Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
