I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
