At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
