did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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