So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize