So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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