just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
