if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
