Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
