WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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