If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
