A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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