Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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