Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
