He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
