My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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