He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
