I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
