i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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