it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I can't put those talents on a resume
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize