just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
