Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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