McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
