I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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