she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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