I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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