It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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