i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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