Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
